My name is Jennifer, Jen to most.I grew up and still live in small town Oklahoma.. I met Jay at church while we were both teenagers..(13 or 14 years maybe?) We went on our first date on my 16th birthday..We got married when we were 19 years old..We rented and lived in a tiny little house and had Cayden the same year.. I was so excited to have my own baby! I had worked at a daycare and loved, LOVED working in the baby room!! I was so young, but it was so natural to take care of him. He became my everything the moment he was born. We had him and he was perfect and healthy.. When he was one, we bought our very first house.. We have had our share of problems here and there, just like any other married couple, but we grew up and realized our family was worth all of the hard work. We decided to try for another baby in 2004. We had no luck.We prayed and just decided to put it in Gods hands. And he blessed us beyond belief..the rest is under "All about Ella"...
Jay, Jen, Cayden (aka 'C') & Ella on 12/2008
Since Ella passed,I continue to work from home doing medical coding/auditing.. Cayden is 14 years old and plays soccer and football and is so smart..Sept 2011 we finalized our adoption of our rainbow, Lily Belle.. ((foster /adopt tab for more info) We are making progress towards finding a new normal..its a long hard road that never ends..but the load is lightened with faith and belief that though we will not see her on Earth, there is always Heaven and eternity with our precious babe.. We sought counseling and joined and infant loss group.. I was so hesitant to do this, just afraid it would be one big ol' pity party.. but its been great. I love talking about Ella openly. and I love hearing how other people find peace after the loss of a child. If you are reading this, I encourage you to talk to someone, therapist, clergy, friends..I kept it all in for about 8 months and seemed stuck in a very bad depression..I still miss her and still have bad days..but to get it out of my head, the thoughts, guilt, worry, grief..it helps..I wish I would have sought help sooner. Its never too late.. For those who have never lost, hug your kids, slow down and enjoy whats around you..family, friends, especially your kids.. we are not promised tomorrow..and unfortunately, this applies for our children too..
God’s word says, "Come now, you who say, ‘Today or tomorrow we will go to such and such a city, spend a year there, buy and sell, and make a profit’; whereas you do not know what will happen tomorrow. For what is your life? It is even a vapor that appears for a little time and then vanishes away. Instead you ought to say, ‘If the Lord wills, we shall live and do this or that’" (James 4:13-15).