sometimes I feel bad....

Sometimes I forget that I am not the only one that lost her.. I know I was not the only one to love her, but sometimes I feel bad for Jay.. Fathers day was especially hard for him.. we had all intentions of going to church, but when they have the fathers stand if you have a child under 5, then 2, then 1 (to see who has the youngest, and they get a prize) anyway.. neither of us said anything, but I thought to myself how hard that would be for him.. so instead we did stuff around the house.. he was quiet and down all day.. we have Cayden here, but sometimes it's still so quiet and empty in the house..especially on days like this.. and the 4th.. while we were at Jay's aunt and uncles on the 4th watching fireworks, I sat in the bay window looking towards the field, imagining that I would have to take Ella inside to watch from there, because she would not like the loud noises... my 10 and a half month old would be decked out in red, white and blue and I am sure Jay and I would have to take turns trying to keep her from climbing up and down the window..instead we watched for a bit and came home earlier than normal... anyway..I know it's not just me that thinks about stuff like that.. he does too, I am the one to cry though, and he is always the one to hug and try to cheer me up.. and I feel bad, because she was his baby too.. and she LOVED him so much.. she loved to play possum when he would talk to her.. she would close her eyes real quick..it was so funny.. he would sing frank Sinatra songs to her and she would laugh and laugh... he misses her too...


A Father's Grief
It must be very difficult
To be a man in grief,
Since "men don't cry"
and "men are strong"
No tears can bring relief.
It must be very difficult
To stand up to the test,
And field the calls and visitors
So she can get some rest.
They always ask if she's all right
And what she's going through.
But seldom take his hand and ask,
"My friend, but how are you?"
He hears her crying in the night
And thinks his heart will break.
He dries her tears and comforts her,
But "stays strong" for her sake.
It must be very difficult
To start each day anew.
And try to be so very brave-
He lost his baby too.

friends, fun and furry rodents that attack..

I often talk about what great friends we have.. We have been busy playing uno, being accused of cheating at pictionary because me, erin and Mandi are so darn smart.
We had to empty our pool because there was a huge gash in it and got the same one without a gash from my grandma. So Reuben came over today in his truck to bring it over and put it up. I was sitting on the couch attempting to work. I hear Jay say "what is that" and Reuben says "what the crap?" I got up to look thinking it was a frog, bug or something like that and it was a furry looking rodent staring at us.. I handed Roo the camera and told him to take a pic. The door was partially open still, and about the time I looked back Molly was running to the door and I slammed it, at the same time Reuben runs towards the door screaming like my 7 year old niece.. and he runs into the door using some explicit language that I will not share.. we all look and the rodent is running towards the fence line trying to escape the yard. I am guessing the high-pitched squeel scared him off.. after the laughing stopped, and Reubens color was back to normal.. we were able get a pic..



Woodchuck/groundhog, whatever it was.. made me laugh..really laugh.. been a very long time..unfortunately it was at Reubens expense.. I'll take what I can get.. :) it seems as though a lot of my funnier stories involve roo.. coincidence??

easier...

I am just curious if this will ever get easier.. will there ever be a day that I don't think about and miss her 24/7...??