sometimes I feel bad....

Sometimes I forget that I am not the only one that lost her.. I know I was not the only one to love her, but sometimes I feel bad for Jay.. Fathers day was especially hard for him.. we had all intentions of going to church, but when they have the fathers stand if you have a child under 5, then 2, then 1 (to see who has the youngest, and they get a prize) anyway.. neither of us said anything, but I thought to myself how hard that would be for him.. so instead we did stuff around the house.. he was quiet and down all day.. we have Cayden here, but sometimes it's still so quiet and empty in the house..especially on days like this.. and the 4th.. while we were at Jay's aunt and uncles on the 4th watching fireworks, I sat in the bay window looking towards the field, imagining that I would have to take Ella inside to watch from there, because she would not like the loud noises... my 10 and a half month old would be decked out in red, white and blue and I am sure Jay and I would have to take turns trying to keep her from climbing up and down the window..instead we watched for a bit and came home earlier than normal... anyway..I know it's not just me that thinks about stuff like that.. he does too, I am the one to cry though, and he is always the one to hug and try to cheer me up.. and I feel bad, because she was his baby too.. and she LOVED him so much.. she loved to play possum when he would talk to her.. she would close her eyes real quick..it was so funny.. he would sing frank Sinatra songs to her and she would laugh and laugh... he misses her too...


A Father's Grief
It must be very difficult
To be a man in grief,
Since "men don't cry"
and "men are strong"
No tears can bring relief.
It must be very difficult
To stand up to the test,
And field the calls and visitors
So she can get some rest.
They always ask if she's all right
And what she's going through.
But seldom take his hand and ask,
"My friend, but how are you?"
He hears her crying in the night
And thinks his heart will break.
He dries her tears and comforts her,
But "stays strong" for her sake.
It must be very difficult
To start each day anew.
And try to be so very brave-
He lost his baby too.