Monday, March 15, 2010

ramblings...

This week is spring break..last spring break Ella and I were in the hospital dealing with her seizures.. the seizures that stole my sweet smiley baby.. This spring break, we are cleaning, going to the zoo one day and going to see the new "Diary of a wimpy kid" movie on Friday (c's fav books!!) It is so bittersweet to be able to "enjoy" spring..last year she was so sick and fragile and now that we can get out and enjoy the weather, I lack the motivation to do so.. Every time I go anywhere I see little cute spring and Easter dresses.. last year we bought her 3 because they were all so stinking cute.. bleh...another holiday..

Group is going pretty well.. this past week we showed her video montage to the group, I haven't watched it since her funeral, and still haven't.. but I heard the song, I saw the video in my head and it was soo ridiculously hard.. I was so proud of Jay, he loved sharing her with the group, they all ooohhed and ahhhhed at her, and agreed that she was(is) gorgeous.. "her smile" "her eyes" make you melt, make you smile etc etc... yes I am aware..thank you.. (cry all the way home and tearful all night and all day the next day)

Revival was last week, we went every night except Thursday when we had group.. it was good.. I feel as though I am constantly waiting to "be moved" for something, anything to be said, to read, that makes me go "oh well it all makes sense now" Realistically though, I know I am never going to have that..but a girl can dream right??

Well this post is all over the place, but I am here...hanging in there.. thanks for checking in :)

5 comments:

Amanda L Archer said...

I'm so incredibly proud of you both and love you more than words could ever say. Mwwaahhh....

With Out My Punkin said...

Glad you are hanging in there, thinking of you!

Nan & Mike said...

How incredibly brave to share and see that with everyone, I would have been a mess also. One foot in front of the other honey. I am thinking of you xxxooo Nan

Tiffany Lockette said...

Thinking of you. You are so brave and you are taking some good steps. Just remember one day at a time. Praying for peace in your heart. Hugs

Mary said...

Sounds like you found a great group to help you through your journey. So happy for you.