I am not sure if you will remember this post from last year, but if you do, you will understand the importance of this picture..
A couple of weeks ago I decided to try it on her.. I've been staring at it in the closet for three years now.. I put it on and she looked down and said "oh cute!" .. I sat in the floor of her room watching her examine it and fought back tears.. for so long I secretly worried that God did not hear my prayers. I figured maybe I had held so much anger in after Ella that he just quit listening to me.. put me on mute or something..I thought of those long nights I spent rocking her praying for him to let me keep her, begging, bargaining..much the same as I did with Ella in those final weeks.. I thought about all of the pain I carry with me constantly and she will make me smile, just like that.. her and cayden will dance and beat box together and it kills me that Ella is missing, but to see him smile and laugh with her, and the way he loves her, I know God listens and he has exceeded all of our expectations, and shame on me for doubting that.. Seeing Lily in Ella's coat comforts me, I could not save Ella, but instead we got to make this sweet girls life all that she deserves.. I don't believe anyone ever comes full circle after a loss of a child, I have accepted that until Heaven, that I'll be incomplete..Sometimes though, when I least expect it I feel a comfort or peace cover me, and as I sat in her room that evening, it happened, It was a quiet whisper "I'm here" Thank God for never giving up on us, even when we give up on him..