Tuesday, July 13, 2010

patience, or shall I say lack of....

pa·tience [pey-shuhns]

1. the quality of being patient, as the bearing of provocation, annoyance, misfortune, or pain, without complaint, loss of temper, irritation, or the like.
2. an ability or willingness to suppress restlessness or annoyance when confronted with delay: to have patience with a slow learner.

Guess what God did not bless me with? yep..patience..I have never claimed to be a patient person, everything I want/need, I wanted/needed it yesterday..Sitting and waiting..not knowing whats ahead, man..its just really freaking hard..I know I am not the only one that feels this.. I not that I have any feelings of "entitledness" or that I am better or more important than any one else.. but sometimes I can't help but think "when is our time going to come, we have been through enough for several lifetimes.." Some lady dropped her babies off and a firestation recently, and my first thought was frustration..how does this chick throw away perfectly healthy babies, when we would have laid down our lives for ours to have a chance? (sidenote: I am so thankful that she did leave them there, and not harm them or leave them abandoned) and then I thought about them going into the system..so many good families waiting for completeness with children to keep...our time will come though..I am working on patience..I am a tad envious of those who come by it naturally..because its not that I have little patience, I have ZERO.. ask anyone IRL who knows me.. :)

I have mentioned it seems like everyone who has ever met me is pregnant.. 2 SIL's, BFF, cousin/sister, acquaintances, church members, and I am sure many many more.. I was watching Army wives the other night, and one of them women and her husband were watching their baby on ultrasound, and before I knew it the tears were coming..would we ever have that again? I remember watching Ella's US dvd over and over and over.. and it breaks my heart..to miss her, to not ever have that again.. that excitement and anticipation, don't get me wrong, I HATE being pregnant, but sometimes, I long for it, just knowing the outcome would be a keeper baby..however I am trying to talk my mom into getting pregnant and carrying triplets for me..*any one see Strange Pregnancies on discovery health?* She says her eggs are too old though..haha..anyway..so right now, I am just waiting and praying for patience..either that or a baby to be handed over to me with no strings attached, hey a girl can dream right ;)


Stephanie said...

I am horrible with patience. Have absolutely zero of it!!!!!!!!

My husband gets onto me all the time because he seems to have an abundance of it waiting for him.

As for people dropping their kids off - nothing makes me madder! How in the world? Ugh!

caitsmom said...

Perhaps patience is overrated?! Perhaps : )

Lori said...

Patience is one of those virtues that I have little of..and only selectively at that! With children--tons! Traffic--a good bit. Mail--mostly. Heart's desires--NONE!

Hope your patience pays off soon!!!

sara/emerging butterfly said...

Patience....I used to have it. I was so calm, serene, accepting. Once upon a time. Life broke it out of me. Now...I seem to snap more easily, cry more easily, It's hard to sit still anywhere but in 104 degree heat found in the hot yoga studio. I can't do yoga anywhere else...the thoughts race. No...I used to be patient...still...able to breathe.....but....life seems to have won. Hopefully...I can win the next round.

Mary said...

Jen - I really hope that soon you will get your wish. The waiting to hold your own child is maddening; even more so when one hears those abandoned children stories. It just isn't fair. How someone could do that is beyond me.