Does anyone else seem to feel some sort of strange comfort during crisis? I know its a strange question, but I am honestly curious. Most see a baby hooked up to wires and tubing and it scares them, takes them back and they are scared to even touch them.. today I held a tiny little girl, all hooked up and in the NICU, and instead of anxiety, I was covered in peace, like this felt natural to me..I felt comfortable talking about scary things with her nurse, asking questions most would never ask..I felt like I could sit and hold this sweet tiny baby all day long..On my way home I was thinking about 2 years ago, I would have never even attempted to hold her, I would be the one in the corner, afraid that I would break her.. I am so grateful for the healthy baby we have here with us, I love seeing her sit up, roll over, play with toys and our cell phones(dont ask)..and I will NEVER EVER wish a baby ill, but for a minute or two, I missed that. I miss the sounds of an 02 machine, monitors, the sounds of nurses and people in the hallway..I don't know if its all of that, or if its when I am in that surrounding I feel closer to her..I want this perfect little family, with a perfect little life, but what if we were meant to help out a sick baby, what if Ella's illness was to prepare us for what was ahead..maybe one day we will be in a position to help a sick baby..We would have never imagined we would be where we are now, but its our life..we will never have our happily ever after, I certainly realize this..but what if it is a different version, happily ever after 2.0? what if we help a sick baby get BETTER, and get to watch her grow and become the person she may have never become, if we had never decided to take a sick child...just a thought....I know I will never in my life regret this little sick baby..she made me who I am today..
btw as far as I know little miss is staying put for now. Her parents have court the 5th of October, so we will see what happens..I would jump at the chance to keep her forever..We love her to bits and pieces..this is just me thinking "out loud" I guess :)