My fear when we began our journey to foster and adoption was simple. What if I can't bond with children that are not from my body. What if we were to adopt a baby, and there was nothing there.no love, no feelings, just empty.I am a firm believer that in order to provide more than basic needs, there has to be a bond, an attachement, a bond. The reason we decided to foster to adopt, or attempt to, is because we needed to help those in need. Not that adoption from agencies isn't wonderful, because it is. But what about these kids, the ones who have been abused, neglected, and everything else you can think of. Who wants them? Who wants the 'other than perfect' baby to take care of forever? The baby who doesn't trust strangers, loud noises, the ones who startle easy..what about them? who wants them? Can we handle taking on a child who's background is already so shaded at such a young age. What if we can't look past this and get that attachment. What if they aren't perfectly shaped, colored, healthy or happy, what will we do? Can we love them as our own? Can we meet more than their basic needs?
Yes, yes we can. Never in my life would I imagine that the problem was not loving enough, but too much.. That attachement is there instantly. They need us, She needs us, Little Miss smiles when we glance at her. She jumps and hugs our necks when we pick her up. She is only 5 months old and is in need of more than her basic needs. She needs so much more, snuggles, laughs, a peaceful home, people who dote over her pig tails and tell her how cute she is.. She NEEDS us and I am oh so happy to be able to give her an abundance. I hold her too much, I know this. She never cries more than a few minutes, waiting on that bottle..I can handle that, its not seizures that terrify her and all I can do is hold her and cry, its not the blood being drawn, the IV's being placed all over her tiny body, again while all I can do is sit by and do nothing..its a need that I can fill. I can hold her and rock her to sleep, I can warm her bottle a little even though she'll take it room temp, I can play 'super baby' with her until my arms are numb. Its a need for her, but its also a need for me. When Ella got sick there towards the end, I could only hold her on a pillow for a very short time before she would become so sore. Even when she was here, all I wanted was to hold her against me, to feel her breathe, and I couldn't..I wanted to help her, to hold her, for me to meet her needs was impossible..No baby will ever replace Ella, whether its from my body or not.. but I do have to believe that the huge gaping whole left in my chest can be filled a little, by meeting both of our needs..
I love this baby, I love Sweet pea, I can't imagine what its like to absolutely not travel to the end of the Earth and back for your kids. Its sad, but I am so grateful that we have been blessed with the position to help the ones we can. We have the room, the stuff, the time, and more than that the love, an abundance of it. Praise the Lord for that..
We are waiting to hear if Little Miss's aunt is approved to take kinship or not. I am assuming she will be approved, and praying she isn't (for our sake), but I will post as soon as I hear anything..
Isn't she lovely?!
Her worker just called and said the aunt and uncle are most likely going to be denied because of some questionable history on one of them. She did say the parents requested visitation, so we will see when that is. I guess even though they are terminating rights, they still have to offer it until its official.. soo for now we get to keep her. I am worried once the rights are terminated and she is adoptable that people will come out of the woodwork for her..We just have to put it all in Gods hands and trust that he will take care of her and us as a family..
okay and just because I am feeling froggy here is one peek of little miss! She just turned 5 months old last week and is almost sitting by herself! *she does for a minute or 2 before she tips, but so good!*