Cayden got back from his cruise Sunday. It seems as though a good time was had by all. Little Miss was so excited to see him, she reached over and grabbed his face and started pulling his hair.. it was cute, he seemed just as happy to see her too, he resisted from pulling her hair though ;)
a pic of him with a mexican dancer..that term doesn't really seem PC, but I guess its okay since Carnival put it on the boarder? I dunno..
We had visitation yesterday and the parents didn't show up. Apparently having it rescheduled last week caused mass hysteria and they forgot about it. Oh and they moved again. Conveniently after the SW told them she would need to come out and inspect their home. so yeah..that was convenient..So after waiting 20 minutes her worker comes and says we can leave, and she comes over to do her monthly diaper change observation and little mini inspection. It was pretty uneventful.. she is nice enough, but sometimes I really wish we had someone a little older, more experienced.. thats alright though. Little miss jumped and played and gave me some
My 30th was good. Went to eat at Olive garden with my BFF and enjoyed some peach tea..mmmm! and that pm we went to Jalepeno grill with my MIL and FIL and had some yummy fajita's. So I did get a day off of cooking! My mom brought over a blue berry pudding cake which I had a small piece of before falling into a food coma.. Tonight we are going to Dave & Busters with some friends. I am glad to be going, a little disappointed that a few people aren't going for this or that reason, but I should not really be surprised, it happens..and our history has proven it over and over. We go to stuff, if one can't go the other goes, even when it was hard on us after losing Ella, we went to parties, showers, etc.. If its for someone I care about, we make an honest effort to go, and it sucks that people that are suppose to care about us don't make it a priority. ((This rant is about more than my Bday party, its about benefits and things we've done and much more I won't go into)) I will say this though, for every one person that lets us down, we have two that more than make up for it, we are more than blessed with some super fantastic friends and family!
I think it goes without saying that I am a little down lately, I feel stressed and anxiety ridden again.. I think it has to do with the holidays coming up, just a few weeks is Thanksgiving and a little after that is Christmas. I can't believe that we are entering another holiday season without her. It seems as though one would think it would get easier each season, but apparently this season is not the one to let up..I look at my beautiful family and all that we have and realize I am blessed. I have a wonderful husband and son, and now a sweet baby girl that loves me more than anyone else.. I am not trying to discredit this at all, I LOVE LOVE LOVE them and am so thankful, but I can't help by wander if I will ever again feel 'normal'..when (if) we adopt little miss and its final, will I feel complete? or will this ache in my chest be there forever reminding me of what we lost..People suffer, people lose babies, kids all of the time...and they seem so normal, so happy..are they faking or is it true, and if it is true, how do I get there? I just miss her...
I can't believe this was 2 years ago..Here is a video of Ella griping while waiting for her doctor to come in at about 8 weeks old..We do have more video, but it hurts so bad to watch it..anyone else experience this? I can handle pics, but videos feel like I am having my heart torn out of my chest..anyway, be sure to turn the music off below..