inconceivable...

Her worker called and I waited til last minute to pick up the phone. I was so afraid of bad news. She said 'they are terminated' and I began to weep. I couldn't even get a word out..finally, I was able to spit out 'thats wonderful'..she told me that a worker from another county came and testified about their history and losing the previous 3 children. The D.A presented evidence they had and she told her findings. They have 30 days to appeal the decision, but the court appointed lawyer withdrew when the parents no showed, so they would have to pay for their private attorney, and if we are being honest, what are the chances of that? and even if they were to appeal, the judge was very much in favor of LM's best interest, which do not include her bio-rents.

I spent most of last night and earlier this morning thinking of how we, as a family, would get through losing her. I psyched myself out by expecting things to not go in our favor. I still am half way expecting a 'but wait..' sort of call..Her worker said that they have to make sure all immediate family has been notified and given a chance, ((which she said they have been, more than once)) and that an adoption worker would be contacting us. I feel like I have just given birth in a strange sense, I feel like she truly belongs to me now,  I feel hopeful.. and I havent felt this happy, truly happy in 2 years..joy? what is that?? I just don't know what to do with it.. "welcome back old friend, stick around a while"... She didn't come from my body, and its nothing I would have imagined, but she is my rainbow, she is my beauty from the pain..she is our new hope...