Wednesday, April 21, 2010
the saddest question..
I was looking at some pics this morning of a FB friends little girl, and Cayden walked up behind me and asked "Is she dead too?".....crap...this is the world he lives in..2 years ago, he would have NEVER asked this..broke.my.freaking.heart. So I think I will only be looking at my precious BLM's blogs/FB's while he is away..He needs to know that people have kids that don't die.. I don't want him to grow up where he believes its the norm that peoples babies die..which it is, I guess, but who wants to carry that burden their entire life? I would think it would make you extremely sad or worry constantly or the opposite completely desensitize one to death.. either way, I think we need to show him hope, show him that the world can be good sometimes..its not all sadness and loss.. I know he is all too familiar with this side of the universe, I am not going to assume he will ever just forget about it.He doesn't walk around sad or anything, he's happy, plays, laughs, still its obviously in the back of his little head..he needs the other side too..he is just a kid,I always say the world isn't rainbows and sunshine all of the time, but for a child, it should be right? He certainly deserves it.. he has been through so much..not just losing his sister, but being shuffled around, taken out of sports and things he loved for a year, and then having to watch as everyone around him grieved the same loss as him..it is a lot to deal with for being 10 yrs old. When I was 10 my worries were if I had enough play time, if my friends could stay the night, if we could order pizza, sure as hell was not if someone else I loved would die, or if another family was feeling this loss also.. So I am feeling a bit blue and a little anger about the entire situation once again..my daughter is dead and my son is dealing with some big stuff.. and my home inspection is this afternoon..sad, anxious and nervous, what a cocktail of emotion..