Wednesday, April 21, 2010

the saddest question..

I was looking at some pics this morning of a FB friends little girl, and Cayden walked up behind me and asked "Is she dead too?".....crap...this is the world he lives in..2 years ago, he would have NEVER asked this..broke.my.freaking.heart. So I think I will only be looking at my precious BLM's blogs/FB's while he is away..He needs to know that people have kids that don't die.. I don't want him to grow up where he believes its the norm that peoples babies die..which it is, I guess, but who wants to carry that burden their entire life? I would think it would make you extremely sad or worry constantly or the opposite completely desensitize one to death.. either way, I think we need to show him hope, show him that the world can be good sometimes..its not all sadness and loss.. I know he is all too familiar with this side of the universe, I am not going to assume he will ever just forget about it.He doesn't walk around sad or anything, he's happy, plays, laughs, still its obviously in the back of his little head..he needs the other side too..he is just a kid,I always say the world isn't rainbows and sunshine all of the time, but for a child, it should be right? He certainly deserves it.. he has been through so much..not just losing his sister, but being shuffled around, taken out of sports and things he loved for a year, and then having to watch as everyone around him grieved the same loss as him..it is a lot to deal with for being 10 yrs old. When I was 10 my worries were if I had enough play time, if my friends could stay the night, if we could order pizza, sure as hell was not if someone else I loved would die, or if another family was feeling this loss also.. So I am feeling a bit blue and a little anger about the entire situation once again..my daughter is dead and my son is dealing with some big stuff.. and my home inspection is this afternoon..sad, anxious and nervous, what a cocktail of emotion..

16 comments:

Heather said...

Such a lot for a little boy to have to think about.

I agree that it should be all rainbows for kids his age. Unfortunatly it isn't and he has had some hard things to deal with at such a fragile age.

Jaime said...

I have a 10 yr old step daughter who is constantly making pictures for Claire or bringing little things home that remind her of her little sister that she never got to meet.

She always asks if she can read my website, (which she will not do for many years!... too much sadness and anger) she saw me go out every Saturday afternoon to etch names in the ice road and was always astounded at just how many there were... whether it was 2 or 20.

I too feel bad that she now has this tainted view of pregnancy and child birth... I hope it does not affect her as she gets older. I am always afraid that she will grow up afraid to have children because of the loss we have gone through.

We do the best we can and remind her of all of the other babies that surround us that are healthy and remind her that one day we may have another little one around for her to play with... it's the best we can do.

xo

Jessica said...

My kiddos also ask things like that. Kids just see it all as face value and think it is like this for everyone. My daughter Jayde would just go to people and blurt out that her baby brother was dead. As for all your emotions being a cocktail I feel that way much of the time as well. I seen that you visited my page and so I wanted to stop by yours. I wish I was knowing you on different circumstances. If you ever need anything get a hold of me!
Jessica
Mom to an angel

Franchesca Cox said...

Oh Jen, that is incredibly sad. That breaks my heart for your son too. Definitely true - it should be all rainbows and sunshine for kids his age. He has been through so much. Thinking of you and sending you (((BIG))) hugs!

Just Breathe said...

That is so sad. I will pray that his heart see's many wonderful things to fill him with hope that life has happiness too. ((HUGS))

Mary said...

The hardest part of grief is watching our children greive as well. It is more heartbreaking than our own pain...
I am so sorry.

Christy said...

Ohmy, that took my breath away. And broke my heart. All at the same time.
That is so incredibly sad. I'm so sorry, Jen :( He's so lucky to have such a wonderful mom.

Jill said...

It breaks my heart. Kids should not have to think or know about these things. I am so sorry. xx

Karen said...

I, too, worry about how my children will handle this as they get older. This is hard stuff. I am so sorry for your little boy, but your a doing such a great job with him.

Mark's Mommy said...

What a handsome son you have...and Ella IS beautiful. I ache for you. We lost our 2 year old son on August 10 of 2008.

As difficult as it is for our children to have to grieve the loss of a sibling, I pray that God will grow them to be wise and compassionate beyond their years as they become adults. It is the only way I can deal with it.


I am going to put your sweet Ella button on my blog.

Praying for you today,
Angie (Mark's Mommy)

Nan & Mike said...

Hugs, that is so heartbreaking. Im so sorry Jen, I cannot even begin to imagine xxx

Akul's mama said...

We are changed for ever...

With Out My Punkin said...

((hugs)) I am sorry, so much for such a little boy to have to think about.

Once A Mother said...

I am so sorry. I can't even imagine what it is to watch your child grieve their sibling... just heartbreaking. Be strong Momma. Thinking of you
xx
Peace

Holly said...

I wish our children didn't have to know such things. Their innocence shouldn't be tainted.

JamieW said...

I hear this one loud and clear. We were at the swingset the other day and my 2-year old asked me to swing him higher so he could "touch Ollie". My friend kept saying he must be saying "touch the sky" but it was crystal clear. Umm, why does this have to be our reality.