Next Wednesday is our first homestudy for fostering/adoption. My mom came over on Monday and we cleaned it up again, took flowers from the cemetery out of it and put them in the garage. I took pretty much anything extra out that I had set in there, scrapbook stuff, ribbon and flowers and a few other craft items.. we straightened it up enough..Now I need to go through it.. get out the "just Ella items" that no one will use again..Is this silly? I have toys she loved, clothes she wore, that I just can't let go of.. and not the small amount that came to my head when I thought about it.. ALOT.. I am being a little selfish, but it feels like that is all we have left of her.. The other things I am going to sort by age, clothes and toys together..so I have a week to get it done..Do I leave up the pics of her or take them down because its weird to have your lost babies pictures in the room? I am seriously asking..not just one of those, "Good question" questions.. would you think it strange? Advice? thoughts? baby lost moms and especially others, would you find it odd to walk into someones house with a child in the nursery with pics of a deceased baby?
I am about finished with the faces of mito video..its beautifully heartbreaking..I will share it here also with you all..some of the older ones who are pretty impaired tear me apart..I am so thankful Ella did not have to suffer..I am glad she was healed in the best way, but I am also a little jealous.. at least they get more time, handicapable, handicapped, I just wanted her, still want her..and the other babies gone..man...its like when you find a blog you've never seen and read their stories, and see their faces, you just weep, empathy flows out of you like fountain..so for the last few days, its as though I have found about 35 other new blogs..in 1 sitting..agonizing is a word that comes to mind.. but at the same time I am honored to share all of these people, to put a face with mito..down the road you will remember at least a few of the faces of mitochondrial disease and will say "this disease is horrifying" instead of "mitowhat?"
On another note, I can't believe her 1 year is rapidly approaching.. we are having a basketball tournament, but I am thinking of ways to include my bloggy friends also..baby lost and not..This blog has been so much more than intended when it all began.. I have found friendship, support, and solace all from a group of complete strangers..its marvelous..so big virtual hugs to all of you from me..