I had a dream late last night that I saw a curly brown haired girl in a park playing and running and she ran to a woman that I did not recognize..I was walking a few steps behind them when they finally stopped at a table. I asked how old she was and she said "about 20 months.."I looked at the girl and she faced me..it was Ella..I grabbed her and said "this is my daughter, how did you get her?!" I briskly walked away trying to get the attention of my family and she was chasing me screaming that she was hers.. I finally got to Jay and he looked at her and then looked at me like I was crazy.."I found her" I exclaimed.. The lady said "No, this is my baby, yours died!" What? how would she know this? She was a complete stranger..Jay told me to give the lady back her baby and I wept "LOOK at her! Its her..ITS HER!" "no"..he said "Jen, its not" I looked down and the baby was snuggled around me, silent, peaceful.."look at her eyes, its her..." "No..its not, give the woman back her baby" I froze and couldn't move..just looking at her..and then I woke up..tears covered my pillow and my heart was beating so fast...I am not going to lie and say I had some bright enlightenment of what the dream could have possibly meant..I didn't..I laid there and cried myself back to sleep.. ugh..I miss her... I miss her big blue eyes..
and btw..I would never steal anyone's baby..be comforted preggie friends and family.. :)
7 comments:
Oh Jen, I am crying with you. What a painful, heart wrenching dream. Who knew we could ever love and miss someone so much?
I'm so sorry Jen. Dreams like that are just not fair to our already broken hearts. Thinking of you and your precious Ella.
XO
Oh, what a dream. :(
(((hug)))
Oh, that dream was so sad...I have had dreams that made me feel so heavy hearted when I finally wake up.
Much love and hugs...
Jen, I'm so sad to hear this. I know how terrible this must have made you feel. I know dreams can often be such a screwed up way of sorting out how we feel. You have every right to feel how you do.
I hope you don't mind if I share this with you. After my daughter Samantha Grace passed away, I had a dream that she was in a hospital. I went there and saw her and knew she was mine, though she was still as tiny as she was when she was born. Mostly I was baffled as to why was she here? Why hadn't anyone told me? I was angry, and I picked her up and wrapped her in a blanket and was carrying her out of there. Then people (doctors, police) were chasing me down to get her back. It was horrible. I didn't want to let her go, I felt betrayed that someone else had taken her from me. I wanted desperately to rescue her, and to keep her with me. I was running from the one thing I didn't want to face, she was gone. I tried to fade into the crowd with her, which was so symbolic of what I was trying to do. I just wanted to fade back into the rest of the "normal" crowd, with my baby in my arms. I wanted it so desperately.
I'm so sorry for your loss. Your beautiful girl is just so sweet. My heart just aches for what you are going through. I am praying for peace to wash over your heart. I say all this with much love, and sympathy for you and your family.
hugssss
hugssss
Post a Comment