15 days..

Aug 21, 2009 (Friday) Ella would be 1 year old.. we are celebrating by delivering bears and balloons to the childrens hospital that afternoon..and that evening having a cookout and balloon release for close friends and family...thanks to those who have already volunteered to help, I will post here and on her facebook page on the details when they are more clear..anyone is welcome to join us and deliver =) thanks also to those who have asked and are going to donate funds to help by the stuff (and if anything is left I will send to UMDF in Ella's name..)We have such great friends and family..

As each day approaches I think about what I "should" be doing..such as making preparations for a big 1 year birthday party..it breaks my heart every day I wake up with out her and I miss her so much.. I know this year of firsts will be the hardest (or so I hear).. I would have never imagined that she wouldn't be here to turn 1 on that morning we met her for the first time.. I feel moody and extra sensitive, and each day closer to Aug 21,2009 it seems to intensify.. its not fair and not right.. but I must face what I am given.. and I choose to help others in their time of need.. I so wish I could do more.. maybe one day we can be independently wealthy and give more to research a cure for this awful disease and donate to the childrens hospital, that kept her alive and pretty well for 8months and 29 days.. I have no doubt with out all of the doctors and nurses we would have lost her in January if not for them..

I just can't believe we don't still have her with us.. it kills me..