A little over 6 months and this is hard.. Thanksgiving day we went to my aunts house, Cayden said the blessing (I was so proud of him!) and I sat in the dining room most of the time and watched the children sliding up and down the stairs, laughing and having so much fun.. I imagined Ella being in the mix of it all, bossing them all around, like the little diva she was.. :) My cousin has a little girl that is about 6 months older than Ella, and she was dressed in a tutu, looking adorable and so fun.. my heart beats and feels like its about to explode every time I see her... Ella and her would have been great friends.. I miss who she was, but who she would be at this age..15 months, and so funny..
For Christmas we drew names and we put Ella's name in and whoever drew her name is to buy for an angel off of the Childrens hospital angel tree.. My mom, MIL, and some others are going to do this too.. it makes me feel like she is still involved.. We are getting ready to clean and put up the tree, but I find myself procrastinating.. I know, just as I did on her birthday, and thanksgiving, that I am going to wake up on Christmas day without my daughter.. every day, as crazy as it seems, I pray this is all a bad dream and I will wake up to a new reality.. a reality with my son and my daughter.. but that is not real, and I will have to pray for peace to cover us, as we go to the dinners and parties and celebrations..one person short.. I will paste a smile on and act as though all is right with the world...but we'll know its not.. there is nothing at all right about a world where mothers and fathers are celebrating holidays without their children.. k.. I didn't mean for this to go into that direction, but it did, so I will end here and stop procrastinating and put up the tree..