Sunday, October 4, 2009

September secret garden meeting..

this is a group that I found of other moms who are dealing with the loss of a child..each month there is a topic that the participants write about.. this months is about what has helped you since your loss..
What has helped you through out this new life the most. Is it your family? your faith? Support groups? A ritual? Music? Physical activity? A new interest? It could be anything. Tell us about how whatever it is has helped you. Please feel free to share photo's,videos, websites, support group information and so on.

My family and friends have been wonderful since we found out she was ill and they do their best to check in on us since her passing.. I have not joined a support group or anything like that.. I have thought about it, just never did.. unfortunately, I have a few friends and family members that have gone through the same loss over the past few years.. I do talk to them.. ask alot of questions..if they did this or that.. it seems to help.. Also my blogging friends.. reading all of your thoughts, stories and getting to know you and your children helps.. Sometimes I have all of these ramblings in my head that don't seem to make much sense.. and I put them on the screen and it all comes together.. so blogging has been one of the biggest factors.. Often I have things I want to say and I just can't get them out of my mouth.. either no one around, not the right timing, afraid I will just lose it.. so I put them here..
My husband and son are my life line..they are the reason I bother to get out of bed.. they make me smile when it seems impossible, laugh so hard I cry.. I never thought I would do that again.. I cry at random times and they hug me and let me know its okay.. I don't have to say why I am crying..they just know.. and sometimes they know I need to cry alone..get it out.. so I can move on with my day.. they know the loss I feel, because they feel it too..My faith in God.. knowing she is better, knowing she is waiting on us to get there.. that helps.. I realize this post is all over the place, but I can't really pinpoint what it is that helps.. sometimes I need things from different places.. if that makes sense.. ? and sometimes none of the above helps, and I just have to call it a day and accept my defeat..try again the next day..

I listened to this song a while back.its my current fav.. it makes me think of the end of my time on earth here..how beautiful it is going to be.. It makes me so excited about the security of my salvation.. I love knowing beyond a shadow of doubt, that I will see my daughter again!

7 comments:

Franchesca Cox said...

I know what you mean, sometimes none of the things seem to work, so I accept my defeat and pick myself up again the next day. So true. It is so good of God to put these people in your life to help you through this difficult time, though. Unfortunately, I know at least 3-4 women who have lost a baby. It has helped me just to know I am not alone IRL. I don't talk a whole lot to them, but I know they are there, if I need them. Prayers and love

XX

Malory said...

That song was beautiful. I am crying typing this.

I have those days as well where I accept the day as a bad one. I used to fight it. It only made it worse. I think to just make it through the day & tomorrow will start fresh. That doesn't always happen but it mostly does and it gets me through.

Rachel said...

(((hugs)))) That is a beautiful Barlow Girl song. Have you heard "Heaven is the Face" by Steven Curtis Chapman? http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z9JTwJ_1lzE&feature=player_embedded

It made me think of you (and pray for you!) and of my best friend, who lost her little boy as well.

after iris said...

I'm so sorry to read about your lovely Ella. And I agree, how would we get by without our friends and family? (Real life and blogworld)

With love,

Jess

Jeanette said...

Your sweet Ella was a beautiful baby. I'm so sorry she's no longer in your arms.
Your son sounds like a great little guy .

Once A Mother said...

your little girl was just beautiful. i am so very sorry for your loss. thank you for sharing your thoughts. i am glad that your faith in God has helped you through.

Mary said...

I liked the line "I just have to call it a day and accept my defeat..try again the next day." It is so true. Sometimes just accepting that it was a bad day and hoping the next will be better that gets me throug sometimes.