Wednesday, October 7, 2009

this time of year...

I keep thinking about this time of year last year.. my family was complete and I had everything.. perfect job, husband, son and daughter... From August 21 til December 30,2008... I had it all..and now.. I just can't stand it..I still have 3 of the 4.. but it still feels like crap..like a 4 piece puzzle missing 1 of the pieces..its obviously missing..why act like I don't notice?? I want to go back.. I want my life back.. I want to feel like more than an empty shell of who I use to be..I want to not have this huge freaking void..I want some normalcy back..more than anything I want my baby back...

6 comments:

Lisa said...

Hi Jen,
I found your blog somehow... not sure how anymore, but here I am!
I lost two daughters to Mitochondrial DNA Depletion syndrome. They were breath-takingly beautiful too- just like your sweet girl! Wow- I can see why she melted hearts with her smile (I watched your photo tribute) What a beatiful girl!! Are you a member of the yahoo group MitoAngels?
Anyway, I read a few of your posts and many times you've taken the words right out of my brain. I wish I still kept up my blog so I can get my thoughts out like that! I stopped writing 2 years ago when Amryn died. I'd just like to encourage you to keep writing and to know that there are others out here who understand. I miss my daughters as well and just can't seem to be happy without them, even though I have so many other blessings in life.

Just Breathe said...

I wish I could help. ((HUGS))

Franchesca Cox said...

I am crying with you in your emptiness. We can never act like there isn't a piece missing. This post was like someone reading my head, only with slightly different dates. I want to go back too, even if it means watching her in the NICU. I miss just being with her. I am so sorry your heart hurts so much. I wish you had your Ella Bella back too...

Love to the sky

XX

Mary said...

Being the first year I know these next few months are going to be hard. I hope that you are given some good moments in the midst of everything. Sending you some hugs.

Missing Kasey said...

((hugs))
I too want to go back! I know that makes no difference. I am here for you.

The Blue Sparrow said...

Oh sweety, me too. Me too. *Hugs*