this is what I wrote after my friends lost their four and a half month old baby in November.. They are still struggling and trying to get by.. please continue to pray for them as well...
~~ the funeral was today. A beautiful service.. they seem to be holding it together as well as possible.. I didnt think I was going to be able to go in.. I stood at the back doors and saw the tiny casket and froze and then lost it.. I feel so bad for them and it all just hit me.. this could easily be me.. that could easily be Ella..I hate sids.. I hate the situation.. now I have this constant fear that something is going to happen to my baby..its just not fair one bit..
reading this breaks my heart...I know its not my fault she is sick,but I cant help but occasionally think maybe my fear of something happening willed her ill... I know in my heart that the Lord has a plan for everything.. I'm just still trying to make sense of it..
Good news is that she is completely free from IV and monitors. We are trying to control her sugars with out the IV. If we can do this for a day or two, I think we may get to go home and wait out the results instead of spending our days here. She is loving being held of the time and I am not minding one bit.. She is also taking her pacifier all of the time, which she hadnt before.. When God heals her, I think she can take her passy until she is in kindergarten and I will rock her to sleep until she no longer fits in my lap..=)